Day 17: Katie Panza
Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s mind plans his way [as he journeys through life], But the Lord directs his steps and establishes them”
Psalms 73:23-26, 28 “Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, And afterward receive me to honor and glory. Whom have I in heaven [but You]? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the rock and strength of my heart and my portion forever...But as for me, it is good for me to draw near to God; I have made the Lord God my refuge and placed my trust in Him, That I may tell of all Your works.” -
Last year was my first full year as a stay-at-home mom. Even though I always hoped to be a mom, much of my life before marriage was focused on my career. I attended a 5-year fast track architecture program in college, completed my required hours, took all 7 exams, and received my architecture license. I became a manager and was on a path toward leadership in the company. I was passionate and talented at my job, and some people have questioned why I would leave.
The simple answer is that I felt God calling me to do it, and my husband and I agreed it would be best for our family. It was an easy decision on the outside, but the daily reality was frequently difficult. For much of the year I felt extremely unprepared, unqualified, and downright confused. How could so many answered prayers be so difficult to navigate?
As an architect, there were benchmarks and feedback loops; bonuses, awards, accolades, performance reviews, task lists and project timelines. Being a stay-at-home mom was my new job and it had none of those things. Besides having little experience with young kids, I have also always operated in environments centered on productivity and achievement.
With two young kids, I felt like a fish out of water. Most days, there was nothing particularly grand to achieve, and there was very little “productivity.” At first, I tried to micromanage; fill our schedule and create systems to fit into what I knew, but it stressed me out more than it brought comfort. I became angry, impatient, and anxious when things didn’t go as planned. I was frustrated that a lot of the time there wasn’t something to “do,” rather just a person to “be”; mom. But then, I started to feel like God cared more about the person I was in Him, rather than about the things I could accomplish. I knew I needed God’s wisdom more than anything I could do in my own strength.
My Boast in the Lord is this: God carried me through some of my lowest points in postpartum recovery and in navigating this new season of life. He gave me wisdom and peace that I never could have gotten from a parenting book or “expert.” He showed me that He brought me into this season not only to disciple my kids, but for me to be refined and healed by His love. He is releasing me from years of performance and achievement-driven perfectionism, people-pleasing, and stress.
My Father showed me that He loves me because I am His daughter, not because of how productive or “successful” I am. He is parenting me as He is teaching me to parent. He has given me His strength to be a better mom than I could be on my own. Above all, He has given me joy on the hard days, peace on the stressful days, and hope for all our days ahead.
Prayer:
God, thank You that You are our perfectly loving Father. It is a privilege to be called Your sons and daughters. Thank You that You hear us when we call to You, and You answer us in our time of need. You have guided our steps through another year, and we thank You for Your provision and presence with us each day. Continue to remind us of Your love for us as Your children - we want to hear Your voice and depend on You more than anything in this world. We trust that You have good plans for us, and we trust Your hand in our lives. Amen.
Psalms 73:23-26, 28 “Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, And afterward receive me to honor and glory. Whom have I in heaven [but You]? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the rock and strength of my heart and my portion forever...But as for me, it is good for me to draw near to God; I have made the Lord God my refuge and placed my trust in Him, That I may tell of all Your works.” -
Last year was my first full year as a stay-at-home mom. Even though I always hoped to be a mom, much of my life before marriage was focused on my career. I attended a 5-year fast track architecture program in college, completed my required hours, took all 7 exams, and received my architecture license. I became a manager and was on a path toward leadership in the company. I was passionate and talented at my job, and some people have questioned why I would leave.
The simple answer is that I felt God calling me to do it, and my husband and I agreed it would be best for our family. It was an easy decision on the outside, but the daily reality was frequently difficult. For much of the year I felt extremely unprepared, unqualified, and downright confused. How could so many answered prayers be so difficult to navigate?
As an architect, there were benchmarks and feedback loops; bonuses, awards, accolades, performance reviews, task lists and project timelines. Being a stay-at-home mom was my new job and it had none of those things. Besides having little experience with young kids, I have also always operated in environments centered on productivity and achievement.
With two young kids, I felt like a fish out of water. Most days, there was nothing particularly grand to achieve, and there was very little “productivity.” At first, I tried to micromanage; fill our schedule and create systems to fit into what I knew, but it stressed me out more than it brought comfort. I became angry, impatient, and anxious when things didn’t go as planned. I was frustrated that a lot of the time there wasn’t something to “do,” rather just a person to “be”; mom. But then, I started to feel like God cared more about the person I was in Him, rather than about the things I could accomplish. I knew I needed God’s wisdom more than anything I could do in my own strength.
My Boast in the Lord is this: God carried me through some of my lowest points in postpartum recovery and in navigating this new season of life. He gave me wisdom and peace that I never could have gotten from a parenting book or “expert.” He showed me that He brought me into this season not only to disciple my kids, but for me to be refined and healed by His love. He is releasing me from years of performance and achievement-driven perfectionism, people-pleasing, and stress.
My Father showed me that He loves me because I am His daughter, not because of how productive or “successful” I am. He is parenting me as He is teaching me to parent. He has given me His strength to be a better mom than I could be on my own. Above all, He has given me joy on the hard days, peace on the stressful days, and hope for all our days ahead.
Prayer:
God, thank You that You are our perfectly loving Father. It is a privilege to be called Your sons and daughters. Thank You that You hear us when we call to You, and You answer us in our time of need. You have guided our steps through another year, and we thank You for Your provision and presence with us each day. Continue to remind us of Your love for us as Your children - we want to hear Your voice and depend on You more than anything in this world. We trust that You have good plans for us, and we trust Your hand in our lives. Amen.
Posted in Boast in the Lord 2026
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