Day 29: Traci Rowland
"Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don't be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you”. Isaiah 54:4
I have been carrying the burden of shame for far too long!
I am 59 years-old now, but when I was 19—in 1984—I had an abortion. For nearly 40 years, no one knew this except my husband, David and one dear friend, whom I only confided in a couple of months ago. Imagine carrying that shame for 40 years! Please know, that even now, this is not easy to admit. For many years, I suffered through this and was silently tortured by it.
In 1990 I gave birth to my daughter Brittany, followed by the birth of my daughter Rebecca in 1992. Then, in 1996, I was overjoyed by the news that I was expecting another child - a daughter named Casey. But Casey was stillborn, she never breathed a breath on this earth. In my grief, I convinced myself it was punishment for the abortion I’d had so many years earlier.
Satan took that guilt and shame and ran with it. For years, I was haunted by it—the faint sound of a baby calling "Mama" in the night, the pangs of grief every time a friend announced a pregnancy, and the relentless whisper of condemnation in my mind. For years I let satan have that control over me. For 40 years!
Like the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, I lived through my own desert of testing, trials, and mourning. But here’s what I’ve come to understand: the only way shame can hold us captive is if we allow it to remain hidden. Secrets give shame its power. That’s why I’m sharing my story today.
The Bible tells us in Genesis 50:20, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…”
What satan uses for evil, God uses for transformation and spiritual growth. He sees the beauty in us, far beyond the ugly. What the enemy meant to use for my destruction, God has transformed into an opportunity for healing and growth. He sees beauty in us—even when we feel consumed by our own brokenness.
Isaiah 61:3 says, “To all who mourn He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair, that the Lord has planted for His own glory.”
God doesn’t abandon us in our sin or punish us for our failures. Instead, He redeems our pain and offers us His love, forgiveness, and restoration.
Yes, the enemy still tries to pull me back into shame. It’s a battle I must fight daily, but I stand in the victory Jesus won for me. The power that raised Christ from the dead lives in every believer, enabling us to overcome.
If you’ve carried shame, I encourage you to accept His gift of freedom. Let go of the secret, and with it, the shame. Wear the crown of beauty He offers. Let your story be used for His glory.
Psalm 34:5: "Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces".
Prayer
Heavenly Father, Thank You! Without You, we have nothing, but with You, we have everything we could ever need. Thank You for Your unending forgiveness and love, and for the transforming power You bring into our lives. Help us to learn and grow from every mistake, not to wear it as a stamp of shame, but to embrace it as an opportunity for healing and growth. May Your grace continue to guide us and remind us of Your perfect plan for our lives. Amen.
I have been carrying the burden of shame for far too long!
I am 59 years-old now, but when I was 19—in 1984—I had an abortion. For nearly 40 years, no one knew this except my husband, David and one dear friend, whom I only confided in a couple of months ago. Imagine carrying that shame for 40 years! Please know, that even now, this is not easy to admit. For many years, I suffered through this and was silently tortured by it.
In 1990 I gave birth to my daughter Brittany, followed by the birth of my daughter Rebecca in 1992. Then, in 1996, I was overjoyed by the news that I was expecting another child - a daughter named Casey. But Casey was stillborn, she never breathed a breath on this earth. In my grief, I convinced myself it was punishment for the abortion I’d had so many years earlier.
Satan took that guilt and shame and ran with it. For years, I was haunted by it—the faint sound of a baby calling "Mama" in the night, the pangs of grief every time a friend announced a pregnancy, and the relentless whisper of condemnation in my mind. For years I let satan have that control over me. For 40 years!
Like the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, I lived through my own desert of testing, trials, and mourning. But here’s what I’ve come to understand: the only way shame can hold us captive is if we allow it to remain hidden. Secrets give shame its power. That’s why I’m sharing my story today.
The Bible tells us in Genesis 50:20, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…”
What satan uses for evil, God uses for transformation and spiritual growth. He sees the beauty in us, far beyond the ugly. What the enemy meant to use for my destruction, God has transformed into an opportunity for healing and growth. He sees beauty in us—even when we feel consumed by our own brokenness.
Isaiah 61:3 says, “To all who mourn He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair, that the Lord has planted for His own glory.”
God doesn’t abandon us in our sin or punish us for our failures. Instead, He redeems our pain and offers us His love, forgiveness, and restoration.
Yes, the enemy still tries to pull me back into shame. It’s a battle I must fight daily, but I stand in the victory Jesus won for me. The power that raised Christ from the dead lives in every believer, enabling us to overcome.
If you’ve carried shame, I encourage you to accept His gift of freedom. Let go of the secret, and with it, the shame. Wear the crown of beauty He offers. Let your story be used for His glory.
Psalm 34:5: "Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces".
Prayer
Heavenly Father, Thank You! Without You, we have nothing, but with You, we have everything we could ever need. Thank You for Your unending forgiveness and love, and for the transforming power You bring into our lives. Help us to learn and grow from every mistake, not to wear it as a stamp of shame, but to embrace it as an opportunity for healing and growth. May Your grace continue to guide us and remind us of Your perfect plan for our lives. Amen.
Posted in Boast in the Lord \\\'25 pt2
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