I write today from a place of barely holding on to a hope- a prayer that is often too hard to stand in faith on, a hope I have nearly all together stopped saying out loud because every time I have the situation worsens.
I write today unable to boast about the thing I want most to boast about. None of my siblings walk with the Lord. But one is currently in utter despair. He is the antithesis of the fruits of the spirit. Hatred reigns instead of love, bitterness instead of joy, turmoil and anxiety instead of peace, volatility instead of patience, nastiness instead of kindness, spitefulness instead of goodness, faithlessness instead of faithfulness, aggressiveness instead of gentleness, and rash explosiveness instead of self-control. It’s impossible to briefly summarize this life of dysfunction or articulate the depth of the brokenness on this single page.
Many have called out to the Lord on his behalf. And while I don’t wrestle with whether or not God can reach into his world and change everything- I know he can. I wrestle with whether or not he will. History keeps repeating its ugly self. Doubt has ruled in my heart for a very long season.
I write today because the shreds of hope I have left must be proclaimed. They must be held in the light of the God whom I serve. I will look back and remember. I will boast on who He has shown himself to be in my life. I will boast in the ways He has held me. I will boast for the mountains He has moved and the supernatural provisions He has given. I will choose my focus. I will choose to boast.
Where insomnia once ruled my nights; I can boast that I sleep! Where sickness once ruled my body; I can boast that I am healed! Where hatred and brokenness once ruled my heart; I can boast that the Lord has healed my wounds and filled me with empathy. I can boast that finding a home seemed hopeless, yet He opened the doors, and with it a chance to witness and pray with the seller whose home we bought (though we were the lowest of 8 offers)! I can boast that the Lord healed Olivia supernaturally in the car ride from our house to the doctors from hand foot and mouth disease. The sores were there when we left the house and gone when we got to the doctors allowing her to go to camp and have the love of Jesus poured into her all week. I can boast… I can boast… I WILL boast.
And in my boasting I will submit my fragile hope for the salvation of my siblings. I will submit my fragile hope for the radical transformation of their lives. I will submit my fragile hope that the enemy will regret the day he ever tormented them because their testimony will be powerful. I will submit my fragile hope for generational strongholds to crumble once and for all.
I can only submit this before the Lord when I focus on the things in Him that I can boast in, because when I look at the depths of brokenness, depravity and despair, they threaten to swallow me whole… but God.
Today if you are in a place of brokenness where the idea of boasting seems incomprehensible, ask the Father to reveal areas where you can boast. What miracles and blessings have you forgotten? Or possibly, what miracles and blessings have you neglected to notice because your focus went right to the next problem?
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