Growing up in church but not grounded in biblical truth, allowed for my curious teenage mind and rebellious spirit to wander from God’s ways. I became a rebellious child, disobedient to my parents as I began to challenge their authority and disciplines. This rebellion led to brokenness in our relationships and that of my siblings. Of course all this led to depression, suicidal thoughts and reckless living. I was 17 and a High School graduate.
I remember the day I had asked The Lord to help me seek Him and follow His ways. I was days away from turning 21 and for some reason I felt that surrendering to God was just going to be more difficult if I wait until after I turn 21 (go figure! Lol)! I prayed and asked Jesus to become Lord of my life and rule over my decisions, and to not let me go on without him.
I had experienced the world and its desires and was left empty and searching for true joy. After hearing God’s voice, I moved back with my parents and returned to my church family. I clearly recall a member of my own family saying, “give her 3 months”; they were speaking about how long I would last in church this time. Now, I could have chosen to be angry at those words, however, that person had every reason to say and believe that! I had been in and out of church for a few years being the best lukewarm Christian, so they were used to this “conversion”.
Not knowing if my leaders wanted to spend the time on me or not (and again, they had every reason to be skeptical!), I looked to God. I remember opening my Bible and reading “...but you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.” – Psalm 3:3. You see, I had returned with my head quite low. I was filled with shame, guilt, loneliness, hopelessness, sadness, and a broken spirit that had given up trying. While I am sure many people around me where cheering for me, I kept hearing the voice of the enemy that said, “give her 3 months”.
Well, it has been more than 20 years since! While not a perfect journey (perfectly imperfect), God has been so faithful! He became and is a strong shield against every lie, every enemy, every doubt, every dumb decision I have made. He alone is my glory and in whom I boast, for those who put their trust in Him will not be put to shame. His blessings are countless, and He has lifted my head to gaze on His beauty, seek Him in his temple and raise a joyful song in the beauty of holiness. |
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